Being Yourself

Updated: Mar 16, 2020

All you can do is be you! At least that's what they always say. But the truth is, you can front, an lie to others, an to yourself, real talk. I"ve seen so many people, fight so hard, to be some image, they have in they head, instead of just being themselves.

I am from a low income area, the enercity, the trap, the hood. We call our hood the Lower East Side of St Paul Minnesota. An as far back as I can remember, I would always run into people that would say they from here, or lived here, an it was a lie 9 times outta 10. I have never understood why people would lie about being from a brook, bad area?

Now don't get me wrong we got mad love for our city round here. EAST SIDE PRIDE is real! But on the real we know our shits fucked up, but it's still our shit, our home! Shit we got drug dealers everywhere, gangs all over, tweekers, crack heads, witches, warlocks, murderers, an rapists, an every mental illness known ta man. And all of them wanna leave this bitch!

But it's called the trap for a reason! Yet for some reason these fues wanna claim our shit? Blows my mind! I have known others from the burbs that have this image of hood life in they head an they want it so bad, that they end up trickn off they good life just to become this image. Shit one dude looked right at me after getn outa prison an said to me "Church I'm finally getting the respect I've always wanted in the streets". But shit us cats that didn't choose this life an where just born into it, our name in the street came just from grown up in it. Then when we get older, most of us, wish we could change the fucked up shit we did, so we didn't have to check that "have you ever been convicted of a felony" box, an actually get a good job an move out the hood, wit our girl an kids. But on the real, that's why most my people don't change! Not cause they dont have the want to, "even tho there are those cats too", but for the most part it's cause they have no change! No money, limited opportunity, debts, 5 baby mommas, 6 kids, an 4 weeks to get a job or get sent back to prison! That's the difference.

I hear all the time "the east side ain't that bad"! Then they go hop in they new wip, wit full coverage insurance, an head back to woodberry, after lunch at the little oven, an watch Sport Center. An my people, "not the ballers cause we got those too", hop in they wip, wit stolen plates, no L's or insurance, an go drop a couple dub sacks just ta make up what they spent on launch! It ain't bad they say, what's the difference!

Well over half my city knows what it's like to be a couch hopper, ta live in they car, to wear the same par of close for a week, ta struggle wit addiction, ta have the heat shut off, ta have no running water, to apply for emergency assistance an be turned down, ta slamming on the breaks in they car to collect that insurance money, ta not have both parents growing up, ta live in a house wit no furniture, ta keep writing bounced checks till they cut yo shit off, ta have roaches, ta have family serving time right now, been to a dope house, lived in a trap house, ta have friends killed by the police, ta have loved ones who have died from gang violence, ta hit a lick for Christmas Present money for your kids an end up locked up for Christmas!

Now to say half of the east side of my city has done this is an over statement, but I can say I bet half could agree, they been through or done half that shit! Shit what's the difference?!

If you still don't see you never will. Yet people wanna claim they from here, an fuck off a good thing they was born into. I'm here to tell you, it's better off just to be yourself! Monsters don't play well wit delusional angles, an ain't no white privilege in the trap, just those trapped, an those that wanna keep them there! Shit funny thing is I ain't ever heard a east sider say "man I'm from Woodberry" Haha, naw we claim our shit, we rep our shit, cause it may not be shit, but it's our shit, it's our home, we live here, we raise our family's here!

Now I just spoke on one facet, of how people can loss who they are, following some bullshit, wit a bit of a rant, on what I've experienced, and felt, dealing with that facet, an I am one of the more subjective men round here. On the real, I've known cats that would kill over this shit forreal! An that's what following a delusion can cause to happen to a person. An tryn to be anyone other than yourself is, a delusion.

If you don't know who you are, take the time instead to dive into that, figure out who you are, what makes you tick, what things you stand for, what things your against, that's a good start. An if ya need more, here is one thing I did when searching. I read this book on isms that had me looking up all these cool belief systems, I learned a lot about who I am, who I was, an who i don't want to ever be again, also what I stood for, an what I stood against. This study took me a long time. But it was worth it, to find out so much about people, an myself. An honestly this exploration is never going to stop for me, I keep learning more about myself, an others, an really enjoy it.

Just for a sec stop liven in shoes that ain't yours, an meet the coolest person you will ever know. YOU! 100!!! Church Sherwood, 651 Records...

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